An Open Letter to My Love

I hurt you. I did not know that I was hurting you. But, I hurt you. Its weird to think that just last month you were calling us "that couple". That couple that others wish they could be. What happened from then to now?

How could things turn upside down? I'll never be able to say I'm sorry enough. I'll never be able to take the pain away. Those times when I got mad. When I over reacted due to things the kids were doing. Or work. Or my medical stuff. Or the hormones that are just all over the place. I'll never be able to take back my anger that was cast out at my Father. I must have tipped some sort of scale then that sorta stuck. I let things get to me. I must have taken things out too much at home and at you. Weirdest thing, you are the last person in the entire world that I would want to hurt. So odd. So fucking messed up.

I fought to have us. I looked to the day when I was able to make the move. We both were so happy! Remember when we would sit and smile and hold hands saying...I don't have to fly home, I AM home! The joy in my heart and in my eyes - the same eyes that met your eyes and saw that joy in you. We took drives, sang silly songs, went to crazy stores. We bought matching TShirts and ate yummy food. We began riding bikes and we took our walks. Remember the silly times at water aerobics? I loved making you smile and laugh and it was my proudest moments. I am always the happiest when I'm at your side, no matter what we were doing. Just watching a TV show in the living room, just talking in the kitchen, walking the puppies, it never mattered. As long as we were side by side we were happy.

What happened?

How could things change so quickly and become so dramatic?

Why can't you love me like you once did, and for so long?

Why am I not good enough? I'm human. I make mistakes....did I make too many? Did you never make mistakes? Did you make too many? I want to breathe again. I want to hold you again. I want to be on the same page with you. I want to marry you.

Oh please God, Please touch her heart. Please help me to help her. Please let her release the anger and the hurt. Please help me to learn whatever lesson I'm supposed to learn here.

I want us back. I want to be That Couple.
Forever and Ever - plus one more day