Exhausted

It’s hard work. Always watching how you speak. Never knowing if that question will be taken as a jab or a joke. Exhausting when you think you are safe to have a conversation about life when all of a sudden everything has turned and you find yourself in a game of family competition. Wait, I didn’t say I wanted to play this game? Too late, you’re already in deep. It’s sink or swim. You can defend your life or shut yourself off from the world. You choose leaving the world because as crazy as it seems, that is much easier than being defensive. You see, the defensive rule is one that only she can win. So don’t play. Don’t think you are safe because you are most certainly NOT safe in that game. Shut down WenDee. Don’t say another word or the brunt of that mistake will haunt you. Just be silent. Look away. Don’t participate and don’t ask a question. In fact, go to bed. You are safe in that room. Even if she comes in, she’ll just get ready and go to bed. Her mask will go on, ear plugs in, and she will be asleep in a moment. You’ve won! Your timer in your crazy head goes off and all you hear instead of that buzzer is a beautiful song. Lyrics by Pink. Gaga. Stephen Tyler, Justin Timberlake. It doesn’t matter who, you hear soft singing expressing “you’re gonna be alright “. I never know how it or when I’ll feel OK but past experience tells me I’ll feel love again. I’ll feel safe in the arms of love. Paitience. Maybe it will be heaven......but I’ll feel loved and accepted again. Right? Wait, you think so? Now I am unsure. My fucked up head with the fucked up videos. Fuck it. I’ll awake tomorrow. We’ll see how that goes. Any bets out there?! You’d be wrong. Something will go wrong, I can certainly assure you of that. I’m fucking exhausted.