GoodBye 2019

Goodbye to 2019. I can’t really say it’s been a great year, but I’m here at the end and for that, I’m grateful

I’m grateful to the many fiends, who like me despite the unlikable part about me. For helping me through the days as I shrug my shoulders and boo hoo about my pains. For listening to my crazy funny ‘mom’ stories - my 89 year old mother gives me so much material to work with as I love her beyond measure in her beautiful 89 year old self! For NOT giving up on our friendships because you realize we all struggle and we can even struggle Together.

For being able to be in Minnesota in January to say my final goodbyes to my Father

For being next to my best friend of 34 years in February as her body gave her peace ending her fight with lung cancer

For in March taking my mother on the long drive and be strong enough to visit Manzanar, knowing how much this moved her as she recounted the things she saw and learned by expressing this to others for months to come

For the long awaited sisters cruise in April for Paula and I to just be us (she had to put up with me walking while complaining of the hip pain!) A trip I will always relish

For taking momma in May on her Mother’s Day Tea with hats and scones! Later shopping and feeling the love between the 3 of us

For in June taking on a new way of eating - keto - to lose weight and get stronger for upcoming surgery. Although Thanksgiving and Christmas fought a war with my mind and body (and winning) I now know it’s possible and looking forward to this being a major part of my life.

For July showing me I must change and do my own life and not be pulled down by others. That I need to move forward with finding and living the happy WenDee life

For in August surrounded much with my granddaughter who shines a light so bright, it’s impossible to be living in the dark when she’s around 💜 For also being surrounded by life and the laughter with friends and having reasons to smile more

For in September to make it to age 59 and embrace the next year of growth!

For October Laughlin adventures with Jason and Elizabeth and getting my long awaited independence tattoo

For even the snow in November which shut down thanksgiving and realizing safety was the utmost importance and having a re-do the next day at Paula and Henry’s was still awesome and meant to be

For in December seeing Christmas decorations up in my bathroom (a first!) to enjoy for my eyes only. Then mid December the passing of someone so special to me, Audrey, so young and taken way too soon. Then for Christmas getting away to the mountains for a chilly, loving, laughing, game playing, much eating, heck off a wonderful Goluday weekend never to be forgotten

Just some highlights and some low lights. Here for all to see. I share my life, good or sad, for all to see. I’m open and honest. I like to bring you into my reality and for some to show I, like you, have the ups as well as the downs but we survive and push forward.

2020 will bring hip surgery, selling the house, moving in with mom and getting healthier. My pup Dexter won’t be with me long into the year, but I’ve had 15 of the best of times with my pouchy companion. My plans next year is to cruise back to Alaska with Jason, Jordynn and Elizabeth if I recover well enough. I want to take long weekends and travel to Northern California, Las Vegas, and Colorado just to name a few. We shall see in a year how these plans go, and what surprises come my way. I hope and pray to be here, and that all of my family and friends will be well and with us. I wish to see my son Evan and meet his children. I hope to be reunited with those from my past, the happy boat people and the fall on your ass laughing people. But mostly I pray God will hold my hand tightly as I go on this next journey in my life.

I love you all ❤️

Always

The arguing the friction the insecurities you have, how do you live with yourself knowing your words are not nice and cause hurt? Why do I keep trying? When will I realize that our differences could be just too much? You hold onto grudges as if it were a gold nugget. Tightly in your hand you release when your tired or had too much to drink or if, God forbid, I mentioned someone  in your family. I think after tonight my “dingdingding’ went off, I’m a winner, because I finally get it. No matter what I buy especially for you or a vacation I plan or a compliment or any words if endearment-there will constantly be something that makes you turn and I’ll “get it”. I don’t want or need this stress anymore. There must be a way to do the right thing. How? When? I need to get stronger. After my second hip replacement this September perhaps. Why can I make so many plans about other things but this thing is so hard?!

Another holiday, another year, another time to miss you. Paula, you and I used to take momma out to 'brunch' either the Saturday before mothers day or on mothers day itself. Oh how I wish and crave your presence to be with us tomorrow. It won't be the same, it hasn't been the same each year since you left. The hole in my heart hasn't reduced, just increased with how much I miss my sister, my 'twin'. This year is sadder than other years and I don't think it will ever get better. Thank God for your nephew Jason, he's been my rock and your grand niece Jordynn is my light in this dark world I've fallen into. Please keep asking God to bring the other lights back into my life. I pray everyday and cry every night for this. Tell Him I'll do whatever He wants me to. 

I love you K

8 years ago....was it just 8 years ago? My beautiful Oregon Coast

RIP Father

Dad. A WWII Naval veteran. You saw things you couldn’t talk about, but we knew it was ugly. A hard worker, making sure us 4 children had all we needed. A jokester, especially at Halloween, wearing that silly mask that guaranteed belly laughs..maybe my comedic humor all came from you and your examples. A swimmer, at your happiest playing in the pool - some of my happiest memories those summers growing up. A stubborn Norwegian which I sadly inherited, but no truer words. A math expert, where my obsession with numbers, the clock and money came from. I know you loved me and I know you knew my deep love for you. I will always miss you Dad. Ride with the angels and embrace your son and daughter who went before you. Rest Dad, in peace with Jesus.