MAILMAILMAILMAIL!!

I got another letter from Evan! I was so happy because I had convinced myself that he needed to write to his friends and his dad and brother and he knew I'd be OK without another letter. But he wrote to me!

This is what it says:

Hey Mom! Thanks for the articles! They were very interesting and helped to re stimulate my intellect :) I'm doing good. When you spoke to me that one day I was kinda having a bad day and was really missing my music. But I'm okay :) So, sorry if I sounded upset or anything. I have to go like right now so I'm sorry for the short letter. I found out I'll be in A School for a year. Its official. I heard I get a phone call in 2 weeks but I promise my next letter will be much longer. I only get to write on Sundays and mail letters out to. Tell Heather thanks so much for her letter. I will write her next week. I love you so much. Love, Evan

These words are like gold to me! This was a short letter but his last one was 4 pages long and it was a beautiful tribute to me, his mom, who he loves and appreciates and who misses the heck outta not seeing or hearing from him! But, seriously, I'm OK because I feel so good that he is doing well and getting another letter of confirmation helps even more!

A little Off today

I have to be honest, I'm feeling pretty dejected right now. I miss Evan so much and even though my phone call with him on Tuesday that lasted 37 mins was the highlight of my last 4 weeks, I'm actually feeling less high in spirits as each day passes. It might be because I came down with an awful cold this week and the fact that my work has been very draining, but I just wish I could connect with him more. I've still been writing daily and mailing his letters at the post office on Monday/Wednesdays and Fridays but they seem to have taken on a tone of me asking him questions that I feel won't get answered. I mean, its not like its a text and he can just hit reply and answer them. I don't know when I'll get another call and he's not sent another letter. I only received one letter, which was a most spectacular letter don't get me wrong, but that came 10 days ago and I know that his long time friend got another letter last Thursday and I did not. I read everyones posts on the Navyformoms.com website about whats going on and I don't know these things. I'm outta the loop and it feels awful. I wonder if any other mom feels this way or am I the odd one out? Am I wrong for feeling as I do? I would never voice my feelings to Evan in a letter or a phone call, of course. I look at his clothes in his room, his guitar that goes un-played, his coffee cup not being used and up in the cupboard, his car not driven, his lap top that I have to power up, the list goes on. When I think about his time at bootcamp being short I then quickly am faced with the reality that he also will be gone to A School and not be home then either. Will the phone calls be far between then? Will he be too busy to write as well then? I've resorted to eating through my frustrations and its not a pretty site. This also ticks me off because I know Evan would be really disappointed in me so that also brings me down. I feel like I'm going a little crazy over here feeling very alone in my thoughts and how I feel. There isn't anyone else who can relate and quite frankly, I'm not bringing these feelings to another soul because I feel I already know what they will say. They will say what I would say to someone: He's doing well! He's too busy to write! You should be proud of what he's accomplished! yes yes yes - these are all very true. But, I still feel as I do.