Thanks for givjng

Again. Fucking again. I will never be the me you want me to be. The tide goes from peaceful to roaring and crashing, back to peaceful, then I'm thrown under water. I can't breathe and I don't know how I got her. All I know us I'm a huge fucking disappointment to the entire fucking world. Guess what everyone.......I disappoint myself every fucking day so don't worry about disappointing me, I'm not worth any value anyway. Please, just keep pushing me off this cliff I'm dangling from anyway. Lord how do I, why do I still exist?!

Victim

Apparently I portray myself as a victim. Sadly, I've heard this before and I am still surprised when I hear this. As if I didn't think life was worth living anyway, but now I'm at fault, again. Apparently. I'm so fed up, so tired of always being treated so mean. Words fucking hurt and you know this. Your intention is to say the words that you know cut into my heart like a smoldering sword. And, I'm always caught off guard but it turns into a nightmare. I get upset. I try to discuss but there's no way to be heard. Her mind is made up. And I lose. I end my day in tears, trying to figure out what the fuck happened. Its these moments I'm so certain my time on earth is finished. When will I ever stop being a coward?

The 3 J's

Thank you family. Thank you for reminding me why I'm still here. You give me smiles, you give me your time, you accept me as me and you always show me love. Can't wait for our Christmas vacation! Love Momma Grammy