So I can't live with mom. I will when she is not able to care for herself. Until then I just can't. I'll keep things at her house so I can stay here now and then, but she's an old lady extremely set in her ways, with no bending, so it drives me crazy. She also has these weird habits of going behind me picking up my things - cup, spoon, snack, napkin, whatever is mine! and literally, at times, I've wanted to put her in time out! She also has zero knowledge of things acceptable to watch on tv. Sure, her jeopardy is fine, but she challenges herself each day to answer correctly and when she is super proud of how many answers she got correct, she will remind you for hours - up to days. Now her favorite show is a realty show called 90 day fiancé. Shoot me now! It’s on Friday night - reruns. It’s on Saturday night -new episodes. It’s on Monday night - as ‘pillow talk’ where previous cast watch last nights show. No. Just NO! And did I mention moms hard of hearing? Yeah the volume is at #40.
The point is, mom is no where ready to have someone move in. In fact, I feel most times she would just prefer I not be there! I guess it’s my fault because I can’t communicate with her on the type of topics mom brings up. I also like to watch my show with no one talking to me, is that asking for a lot? The list goes on and the outcome is: when it’s time I’ll take care of her. Until then 3 or 4 hour visits will have to do. I love you mom, but you are a lot, but you enjoy that place you are at. We’ll just let things lay as they do for now.
So, I stay at my house that I own with Nikki. Until
It sells. Maybe I’ll look into a one bedroom apartment afterwards.
I am ready to be Alive! To laugh with friends and enjoy a cocktail now and again. To watch a tv show it listen to music with whatever I want.
Week two in two days since hip surgery so still have recovering to do, but with another mind twist! It never gets boring
WenDee

One week post op

So this time last week I was very nervous but also full of sadness and skepticism and anger. For many reasons. I found myself thinking something will happen tomorrow. My friends and family will tell you it was because of my fear of an infection and of a blot clot. I believed I’d have a stroke or not recovery from anesthesia. I woke up, however, and I feared I was dying. I was crying and calling out and telling everyone that I could not breathe. I believed it. And yet, here I am. Awake. My number hasn’t been called, yet. I’m still scared that an infection is going to take over and destroy the

remaining tissue around my hip and the prosthetic will fail and I will die. Or a blood clot will
Appear and disengage and destroy my brain in seconds and I will be gone. But right now I’m here. And forget all the reasons that should be reason enough, I have to believe that there is a reason. Why has this pivot occurred and where am I going?! Well all I can say is we’ll see. There are many naysayers who, for some weird and strange reason still watch me perform on my stage and try to boo me off instead of picking up your hat and leave the show! You see I don’t care that I’m too much for you or I’m too dramatic for you or if you watch me in disgust saying “she’s always the victim” as you munch on snacks but don’t change the channel. It doesn’t concern me that you don’t get me, or like me, or mock me or backstab me. These are your choices and not mine. I’ve here for ME. For my genuine friends. For my family who never fail to show up. For my sons and my grandchildren and for you if you want or need me. There is a change on the horizon and as this wind has blown me here and there before, I will allow it to once again bask over me and direct me as I grab onto the hand of God and the feather of hope. One promise. I will fail over and over again. But if I’m physically and mentally able, I will rise and move forward, one step at a time.

And for some typical wenDee, here are my 7 days in photos. I love you.