James Evan Riley

Dear beautiful new baby, I loved you before you were here. I have dreams and wishes I'm praying for you to find. Your Daddy is an incredible man, even though he's allowed things to get in the way this past year. But deep down he had wanted you as his son for a very long time. You will grow to be strong like him, and like your Papa Russ. I hope you will be told about me and that they were only good and happy stories. I love you my new grand baby. Take care of Evan, your pa, when he is down. He has a tendency to be depressed, unfortunately that he gained from me and the many in our lineage. Be a good boy James, don't be hateful or mean. Instead be only kind and helpful and you will reap so many rewards!

Over

I am sick of this crap. Sick of feeling like I am the world's biggest fuck up. I know I am, and I fucking hate the feeling. The road to end this feeling seems so far away and I'm crawling like a little baby to reach it. Evan has damaged me. I thought I'd seen it all and faced the pain and was starting to get immune. But, nope. There was one more jab to spike into my already  bleeding broken heart and to want me to leave this world. And now I am living with it. I fucked up as a daughter. I fucked up as a wife to Russ. I fucked up as a sister. I'm a fucked up friend, and a truly fucked up girlfriend and a partner. Im still a fucked up wife along with being a fuck up as an employee, I am a fucked neighbor, and am a fucked up human. I now admit........I AM A FUCKED UP STEP MOTHER but worst if all....I gave myself a fucking bullshit title of being g a great mom. God, what a fucking idiot I am. I am done. I'm looking for my white towel. I want to throw it in the ring and say audios. The bell needs to ring. The referee needs to call it. 3.2.1. OUT. Ding Ding Ding. Maybe 2017