I think I need to type these things out and add to them as I remember the good and bad qualities of who I am
Good:
1. I am a giving partner
2. I am a fantastic mom
3. I am a loyal employee
4. I am a loving daughter
5. I take care of my hygiene
6. I do not dress embarrassing
7. I am a great cook
8. I love to make other people laugh
9. I am a great hostess
10. I like others to feel comfortable in my home
11. I will go out of my way to give someone a ride, buy them lunch, or take them a meal if needed
12. I am a giving and passionate lover
13. I smell nice
14. I have a pretty smile
15. I have nice eyes
16. I put others before myself
17. I do not ask for riches
18. I love to play bunco and board games and have fun
19. I love God and ask for forgiveness when I know I've done wrong
20. I learned early that the ones not 'normal' are lovable and deserving to be loved and befriended
Bad:
1. I can be sarcastic at inappropriate times - who wants to be around this?
2. I can joke and sometimes it isn't always nice - comedians suck doing this to work out their insecurities
3. I have put people down when I've been hurt by them, but never to their face. Never.
4. I have not been the best sister, although I've tried, I know I've failed.
5. I cheated on my husband because I was too afraid to face my sexuality truth - being completely unfair to him
6. I've taken pure love for granted thinking it was always there and now I'm paying dearly - I might never learn how to do love right and it would serve me right to be left completely alone
7. I was picked on by the pretty and popular girls because I was fat so I burned little bugs with a magnifying glass to punish them - this is sick and wrong
8. My brother died when I was 12 so I didn't think people lived long so I didn't invest in my future, and didn't take things seriously enough - Weak and selfish
9. My dad left at age 14 and my mom told me he didn't care to come around to be with me, I believed this story - where was my backbone? Maybe I felt I didn't deserve to have a daddy, even back then and I probably wasn't.
10. Instead of talking to someone I could trust, I took upon the abandonment of my brother, father, sister (she got married right b4 dad left), mom (she took off working, dating, and going dancing), and other sister who hung out with her friends. I stuffed my face with food until I was sick and laid down on the rug in front of the refrigerator in the kitchen because of the humming comfort sound and the heat that it exuded - weak weak behavior
11. I was used in a sex game at age 15 so I began using sex as a game and did not trust what people told me - why the hell couldn't I just shrug it off like most anyone would have? Weak.
12. I was date raped at 16 and learned to never trust again - I should have learned before this happened but I wanted to please too much, very bad character flaw
13. I took drugs that my new sexual friends gave me, smoked pot and stayed out all night just so I could feel accepted by someone - pathetic
14. I lived in a lonely marriage because I had children and swore I'd never have them come from a broken home - only to break it up later anyway which hurt them even more. Selfish fucking me left her husband anyway which was unfair and everyone got hurt anyway.
15. I continued to be a fat pig stuffing my emotions down my throat in the form of a burger and fries, and was a constant loser in my attempts to look normal - sabotaging any hope to be a regular person
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