somewhere I lost it

i feel like i've totally lost. if i have, i can't imagine what i'd do. i have lived the last few years of my life so completely and totally in love with my heather. now, i am not enough. i knew this was happening. i did something very stupid so i gave more ammunition to what was already a fire that i did not know had started. how dumb could i have been? how many years must i live with thinking i deserved something wonderful. what a pity. i'm totally empty today. i lost.