So, I'm trying to get back to posting. I want to go back to the last post and give 'daily' updates. It will take a minute or two, but it will be worth it! For now.....
Looking ahead, I know who I have in my life to count on - who really knows me and loves me.
To my mother, she is amazing and loving and kind and has always loved me and tried in her way to show this love through my childhood, my teens and my adult years. I know I was tough at times, but having to live through the hell we had to live through, I know you understand why. I forgive you for anything that was not meant to be done to harm me, as well as I know you have forgiven me for the times I reacted and behaved as I did.
My partner, she is my inspiration to continue to be 'better'. The 2nd half of my life has already been beyond any happiness I could have ever hoped to find. You are the happy breaths I breathe daily. My only wish is to die looking at your beautiful face with the smile that YOU placed on me that day in December <3
My children who support me, reach out to me, and love me unconditionally. My daughter in law who has shown me that blood does not a family make and has blessed me with the grandest of all grand daughters! My step children who have put up with two moms, and love me anyway! My friends - the real ones (you know wh0 you are!) - who accept me, include me, laugh with me, cry with me and never forget the "real me" and overlook the times I'm grumpy! My puppies who love me unconditionally and keep me warm and always smiling! My job, even though I might not always 'love' it, I am thankful for it and for those who are with me there and who appreciate what I am there to do for them and the company. To my sweet niece (and grand niece!) and adorable nephews, you are more dear to me than you'll ever know :)
To my sisters - I love you but you do not know me. You've failed to try to treat me fair and see my life, even though I've always tired to take into consideration the changes you have made in your lives. You've treated me with disrespect at many turns and failed to allow me to be equal. You've vented to me, you've not listened to me, and you've always expected something different from me than I am. I am truly sorry for that. However, I will never not love you for you have both brought much joy to me. I forgive you.
To my biological father - I know you never understood me and see things as one dimensional. Its OK. I forgive you for that and I hope you can look back on your life - at the age you have reached - and be content with the choices you have made. To his wife, you are a mean, uncaring, selfish, disrespectful, angry, sad and confused woman. You pretend to be one thing but are another. I think it had to do with your cultural upbringing as well as the parenting you have had. I take that into consideration and do not hate you because of it.
I am trying to love me for me. To not beat myself up because those who mattered so much to me didn't love me the way I 'wanted' the love from them. For me to become healthy, I have to LOVE MYSELF COMPLETELY and accept that I am not perfect and keep going on. I will not give up the me who I already love, and yet I will keep trying to be better in the areas I am sure can improve!
Thank you
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