11 days since the last time I wrote

Let me try to catch you up.
November 13 I was in a dark place. My dark place gets smaller and smaller some days. I'm not sure why it even exists because I am so ridiculously thankful for the many wonderful and amazing things in my life. However, it does remain that place - over there - in the corner. Waiting behind the black door with 3 hinges. There are no windows in that small room because there is no need to see out and certainly I do not wish for any to peer inside when I visit this room. So, sometimes I visit that place but I always end up emerging...and I gain strength. Until, the next time!

I'm going to put some bullet points up here to try, again, to get everyone up to speed :)

• My grand daughter Jordynn is so ridiculously adorable! She is the most precious thing in the world! Jason and Jennifer are enjoying being parents and love their little girl so very much. They have just moved down south, back to Southern California, to where they have found a rental house (a huge one!) which is 7 minutes from Jennifer's moms (Karin) and 7 minutes to my mom!! Jennifer's brother Kenny is living with them and there is a steady guest room (my room!) that I plan on using, a lot!
  
• Jason got a job working in home health care with the Antelope Valley Hospital. He will start soon and after a few weeks of training will be visiting patients to care for. I'm pretty sure most of them will be post surgery patients that need wound checks, etc.
• Jennifer got a job as a supervisor in a medical office - I think! I don't have the particulars yet, but I know she is thrilled. Jordynn will be in day care, but its the day care her best friend used for both her babies so it can be trusted.
• Evan is doing wonderful living in Corvallis OR with his girlfriend who attends college there. While still going to monthly NAVY drills in Springfield OR, he also took on a resale job at K Mart to get his bills paid. He continues to hope to find a M-F job, preferably paying a lot more than he's getting now! He is happy, is strong, so handsome and I love this guy to PIECES!
• Today is Thanksgiving but I am working. I will be cooking my turkey and famous dressing on Saturday, as usual. Evan will be coming over after work and Johna will be joining us. Chris will not be with us and Ashley has to work so it will not be a large gathering. I plan on preparing some food Friday night, doing some cleaning, and then up early to roast the bird and work on the side dishes.
  
• Ashley is working her heart out at Macy's. They love her there and she loves it there but quite honestly, they have taken full advantage of her sweetness and do not give her more than 20 hrs a week and have never given her a pay increase :( She is also going to school and loving her french and ballroom dance classes. She takes a couple other serious classes and does so well! Chris, well not so much. He is having a difficult time. He of course has been brain washed and mind manipulated by his father so it is hard for him to know about reality. He failed a couple classes, has not taken work seriously enough, and got a speeding ticket that he totally ignored (and didn't tell his mom or I about it, we had to find the ticket in his room!) Right now we just pray that the hard lessons we are trying to teach him will bring him good and that he will remember how much we care but we will not let him continue to try to BS with us and around the house. I had to pretty much kick Chris out after the stunt and I hope Chris will learn that I am not going to allow him to stay in a house with his bending of the rules, showing disrespect and lying to all of us. He has a younger brother to show an example of and he is now 19. Grow up dear or leave and grow up then come talk to us. I just hope Heather knows its about helping him, not to hurt him! Jonny, well he is doing OK! He just turned 17 and got his ears pierced. He will not make school his #1 priority as he should and has not found a job. He is not going to take up sports right now and, well..he enjoys being with his friends and "hanging out". I love it when I ask what did you do? "we hung out". I know exactly what that means! We smoked cigarettes and talked about girls.Yeah, I did that too, haha!
  
• Heather is amazing. She is my continued rescue ship, my partner, my audience, my ring leader, my strength and my life! I never in a million years could have asked for a better 1/2 than she is.
  

MY DREAM:

To get married legally so the federal government will recognize us as equal to all other couples in America that marry for the same reasons. Heather says she could give a shit about the feds. I say, no way! Its not fair and I am going to fight for this right.

(update added 12/08/2011)
I realize I don't care any longer about waiting for the feds to approve my marriage. I still want that, very much so! However, life is too short. You have to find the happiness that is within reach for the here and now. What is here now is my love for Heather and how a wedding with all that I dream of will become the reality! When the feds say ok, then we will slip off to the court house. But, I do not wanna wait. I want the dream to come true now.

That's all for now. I'm not feeling well these last couple of days and grown tired with all this typing!

I hope you are caught up now, at least on some things. I love you - you know who you are ;)