Well, I made it through the camping trip! I don't mind telling you that I was highly nervous. Nervous on so many levels and for so many reasons.
This was my first 'all alone' trip...ever. I had to set up my own camp with tent, kitchen, fire, etc. I did an amazing job. The tent gave me a small panic attack because the poles wouldn't stay put at first, but I just kept going after each one until finally it fell into place. So much so that when my camp neighbor drove up and was trying to set up her tent alone (realizing she was indeed alone with no other camp site members yet) I was confidant to walk over and give her a hand. I can't tell you how good that made me feel! My entire life has been all about helping people. The last several years I've not been able to help as I intended or wanted and I am now learning my passion, my early sense of joy, is reaching out and being a spirit to help others. This is where my life MUST head from this point on. To be a positive role in whomever's life, in whatever way I can.
So, camping. I couldn't have done it without Nan and Carmen. They were super amazing and supportive. When I fell at one point, they were both there to lift me up, physically and mentally. I participated in the events and felt good about my endeavors. I played bocce ball in the high heat but pushed on and had a blast! I walked over to other camp sites and made the ladies laugh and smile. I pat every dog and looked into their eyes and found such sweet love. I exchanged emails and Facebook information and will look forward to having these friendships grow.
My T Time...was a HUGE hit, again! These ladies just loved coming over to the bar and placing their orders! Personally, I think I'm a fabulous bar tender, :) I used 50 shot glasses, and I know some of them were re-used by others. I don't think anyone got drunk, but they sure were happy campers.
My Oregon chapter is closing .. I feel it. I also know that I will be back. This is where I want to retire, where I want to complete my life before it ends. I do not know how, with who, when or where but what I am sure about is the Oregon weather and beauty is where I want to lay my head before I take my last breath.
So I go to California to be a dutiful daughter, mother, grand mother, sister and friend. I'm needed there, I am not needed or wanted in Oregon right now. I have been pushed out of the nest and I'm flying in my next stage of life. Just as the swallow returns to her Capistrano, I will return to my soul spot, the great upper north west of OR. But for now I will grow in my next phase of life, alone at first but not for long. This camping trip re-enforced my passion to be with a partner. My thrill to see her laugh, to bring her a treat, to walk hand in hand and experience new things together, to dream, to love, to not be alone at night resonated loudly that I was never meant to live my life as a single woman - but rather side by side with someone who appreciates me, loves me completely, sees me as first priority and not in line after any other and who thrills at my existence just as I will do with her. One who has great love of her family and welcomes mine into her life as her own, and who will want to help me grow, just as she will allow me to help her grow.
She is out there.
I do not know her name or what she looks like, but she is waiting for me.
She is patiently allowing this time to pass until we meet.
I'm coming sweet princess....I'll be there soon.
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