Hard to think

today its hard to think.
hard to put my mind into full gear.
what is wrong?
why can't I be on auto pilot and just take care of business?
isn't that how i normally function?
maybe its because i'm doing this alone.
maybe its because i have no one to spill out my concerns and voice my frustration.
why did this happen, now?
i'm not ready karla, i'm not ready for you to be gone.
you were such a huge help to me when i was afraid of being alone.
when i thought my world had folded up into me and i was falling deep into the crevices
you told me to give myself time, and i did.
then i got strong. i put everything into perspective and realized that no matter what had been done to me, i could carry on.
you told me i'd find someone who would love me without having to be perfect.
you told me that they are waiting for me now.
but, then you left me.
i was coming back home.
to make up for those years that i was gone living my dream life,
that turned into a nightmare.
i can't do alone karla and counted on you to be there for me.
today, its hard to think.