i've never meant to hurt people, and yet people get hurt.
i've been in so much deep pain for months and i try so hard to figure everything out. how could i have been different? and when i say that out loud i feel like i would have compromised myself by being 'different'. i only was trying to hold on tight to what was slipping out of my fingers. i saw my life of love and happiness falling away to the ground. i could not hold on by being patient. i could not keep my mouth shut.
today i heard an inspiring message at church. i'm an imperfect person living in an imperfect world and i've grabbed at threads of hope and change my whole life. here i am alone and lonely and a total and complete mess. i do not know where to turn. people don't want to listen to my sad story. they have their own story to live. so i will go forward as a single woman. me and my dog. trying to get from this day to the next. i need healing with what has happened to me. i'm sorry i hurt you with my words of pain. i will try to be silent as you wish. i will disappear as you wish. forgive me please for being a failure in your eyes. but please also remember what was good and happy and full of love. maybe some day you will understand the level of my despair. however, i still only want you happy and complete. i hope you find that. i will end this world someday, maybe soon, and i hope you will not be glad, but rather be thoughtful of how deep my love for you has always been and always will be