for the past month i've been in hell. i've been desperate to get your attention. you know that you are on my mind 24/7 but have told me to leave you alone. i've been greeted by a cold shoulder and given no communication or updates. and now i find out that it is yet again, me who didn't do something right. i didn't call. i didn't ask questions. i didn't volunteer to give my last dollar to help with a situation that i didn't create? i am again brought back to the place of fucking up. as hard as i've tried, its all been for nothing. why do i bother? why am i even existing? why don't i just fall off the face of the earth so i can finally make your life better. it will justify everything that has happened. you can say see, she was a real mess..glad i got out of that. please don't put yourself in my shoes. please don't think for a moment that i am broke and that i would have dropped anything to have been asked to help, just so i could have been in your presence. i'm pathetic you see. god how lucky you are to have gotten rid of me. me the one who only loves you completely. wendee fucking idiot rily. why can't i just disappear? again i plead to god, make this all go away, please!