tonight i folded her clothes from the dryer and put them away.
i'm afraid this is the last time i get to do this.
tonight i cried out my hurt asking why because i still do not understand.
i'm afraid i'll never get a reason that makes sense.
tonight i walked the rooms of this house we shared looking at the walls.
i'm afraid they also are staring at me with questions.
tonight i just want to feel right, or normal, or loved, or wanted.
i'm afraid that will never happen again.

tonight i wanted to run home. i wanted my mom to hold me and let me cry on her shoulder. i don't know how i can continue to cry - seems there should be no tears left to fall

i can't do the alone thing. i'm not meant to be alone. i don't want to be alone. i need my partner. i need to feel safe again. i do not feel safe. i feel as if i was thrown out with the recycling, to be used again by someone who will make promises that won't be kept. how will i ever trust again.

i'm afraid i will disappear from the world without the love that was once so brilliant and alive.

i'm afraid.