My mind is a mess. It's like a bunch of short clips that are played out in random order. Its a mind shuffle and very confusing. I seem to have one clip always playing on one deck that is full of love for my life, my partner, my children and all family and friends. In that place things are exactly where they should be and life is good.
On the other side these random thoughts that bring sadness, distress, heart ache, fear, loneliness, failure and rejection is playing full blast. I can't seem to turn that side off at times and right now its so loud I almost want to just run away screaming. I know this can't be right. I'm intelligent enough to have the mindset that something is wrong with this thinking and I must get some help. However, I am paralyzed into moving towards the direction of seeking help to ride myself of these all too familiar thoughts.
My wish for now is to just get through the day without anyone knowing I am living with this torture. Funny I post this on my blog. But I'm sure nobody is even reading these typed words so I feel a sense of safety and a sense of relief .
You might be surprised as to who reads these things young lady. ;)
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