Dear God, it's me, wendy

God, why am i still here? why do i have to be tormented? every day. the struggle. i can't - i don't want to do this anymore. you've already proven to me my worth. it's nothing. i'm worthless, i just take up space, i don't want to be here anymore. i want to go. there is not one soul other than jason and jordynn that care and i know they will be fine without me. i pray that i can go soon. i hurt. all the time i hurt. my head pounds. my aching heart beats too loud. my memories haunt me every day. i have nothing that i need to do here any longer. my time is up. please God. please take me home. please put me and everyone out of this misery. no one needs me or wants me. nothing i say is right. nothing i do is right. nothing i eat is good. nowhere i go am i wanted. not even in my own home. i see the eyes, i hear the words, i feel the knife that pushes into my gut and my heart and my back and into my brain. words of repugnance and dispicableness. i used to be ok. i used to be loved. i used to be a part of it. i used to have friends. i used to feel important. i use to laugh. i use to matter.

i
don't
matter
and
i
can't
take
it
any
longer