stuck

I'm stuck in a world of I don't know ....... and  that which I totally know.
I want to be near my sister, mom, sons, and grand baby..... but I don't know how much longer I can hang on to this.
The feeling of being free and loving life and frolicking and being happy is calling me to wonder.
When is it going to be my turn again?
Will I find that happy place where I wake up in the morning, smile, and find myself sure of what my life is all about?
Can I trust again?
Can I truly be loved again?
My thoughts are mixed with doubt and insecurities and sadness.
I know what I "want"
I know what I "need"
I do not know how to find me right now without sacrificing something HUGE
Where am I to turn for the answers?
Who knows what the right thing for me to do is?
God....are you listening? Do you care?
Have I been tossed aside into a cruel world of lonely, bitterness and un-finished compromise?
I am lost today.
Lost into a world of I don't fucking know.
There seems that no one can answer any questions for me, but myself.
And I have no answers.
None.
I'm stsuck.