Dear Pastor ....,
I wish to be completely respectful of your FB pages and of your Churches website so thought I would send you a message here, for you to read and do with as you so wish.
I applaud that you took to preaching (teaching) about the hard topics that is rampant out in our society and the world today. I know with first hand experience that not only is it stressful, it can become a sore spot for those members who disagree and possibly even leave the congregation because of their different views. I was looking forward to hearing your message and am very glad I did.
My history isn't necessarily important, but for the sake of knowing where I come from, here goes. I grew up in a religious Christian household - Southern baptist no less. We had church on Sundays and Wednesdays, VBS taught by my mother, youth camps, my parents were part of planting new churches, preachers family would come to the house on Sunday afternoon for pot roast, we performed in church plays, memorized the books of the Bible and scriptures from a very early age. We were known as the go to family for helping, cooking, fund raising, Bible studies, women's groups, etc. Later, my husband and I became church warriors and (serious) leaders of our church where we had our two children, who happened to be completely involved with everything church and everything Jesus. So, please allow me to use this as explaining that I am well aware of: the teachings, the scriptures, the church faculty PC communication and beliefs of the existence of the homosexual community and the connection to the 'church'. However I left out one point. I knew at age 9 I was a lesbian. I also knew at age 9 that I would go to hell, for that is what was taught to me. I was aware that letting anyone know this fact about me was going to bring shame, ridicule, rejection, hurt and fear to family and friends. So I did what every good Christian who wanted to just be accepted and loved and able to have children did, and I hid my "truth". I was very good at this, for no one had any hint. In fact, I was so good that I convinced myself that it must have been the devils work and to reject it in my thoughts. Through church I was in charge of meals on wheels, I was a Woman's ministry leader, VBS director and the stay at home mom all working moms (mostly within my church) could call when their child needed to be watched during the day while they HAD to work. I was the friend of the Pastor's family who was called on to help pack up their house when they weren't able to do so due to a move away to plant a new church. I was the one to bake, give presents, encourage, help the homeless, provide baby and wedding showers. I provided a safe and loving place for those before and after school kids who could do their homework and have a meal and be cleaned up and ready to go home when picked up at 7 PM, only for them to go to bed and do it all over again the next day. I was trusted, 'loved', and used by everyone because I had shown in my life that my heart was good and through it all I loved my God and try to live by the example of Jesus. What people did not understand was that I was sad, lonely, and felt fake because of one thing: I was not able to openly experience what I always knew; I was a gay woman attracted to spiritual and giving women. My husband was a wonderful provider. He was one of the best Daddies I had seen. He loved the Lord and was a trusted friend and worker on all accounts. However, we were not compatible. You see, I was not sexually what he was comfortable with (I was a bit overweight and this was not his choice of attraction) and I was not able to fully give myself in our encounters. However, as a good Christian, I tried everything I could to get 'past' that part of our marriage. I became extremely sad when I would see how others in the world had happiness and compatibility. They would hold hands, be loving, be interacting on a deep level. Sure, my husband held my hand on Sunday, even put his arm around me while we sat on the pew, but then there was nothing else until the following Sunday. Don't get me wrong, I do not blame him for anything. He was living his 'truth' for the most part. But his 'sin' was acceptable, mine was not. To make it clear, I do not find being a homosexual a sin. I have gone to Great lengths to study this in some of the older versions of our Bible, for many many years. I have sought out to ask people within the Pastoral community, authors, speakers and scholars. My conclusions, as I guess you may already know that I have, is that the teachings of what is practiced about homosexuality is misconstrued and what I believe was meant in a few Bible verses, were to be about lust, rape, incest, and war and not of a loving same sex relationships and partnerships. To wrap this part up..After many years of deep depression I was able to rest in the loving arms of God and become brave to become me, the complete true self. The same true self every single heterosexual is allowed to do with no pomp and circumstance. Nothing to do with anything else, just an honest life with the ability to go forward. Same person. Same Mom, same kids, same parents and sisters, same heart of giving and of helps. Ah, but not the same friends. You see most all of my friends were of the church so no, they all accepted that I was not 'walking with God' and my poor husband (of which they NEVER were given the information of what went on in our home where his actions were unacceptable). It hurt, as I knew it would, but because I was raised "in the church" I knew this was to come. I knew the fate ahead of me in this regard and, because they could not see beyond what they were taught, rejected me to be in their life. I was still me - but because of this one thing, I became a monster.
So, in conclusion, while I still am very glad you were able to bring a heartfelt and loving sermon out to your congration on this topic, we are in disagreement about the origin of what you deem sin, and what I deem is a society of fear. I am still a Christian. My faith has not wavered. My relationship with the organized church has, as many preach like you about "obviously you cannot become a member because of your sin". I shudder at the thought of the leaders in churches that are secretly child molesters, gamblers of the homes necessary household money, food addicts, liars, income tax cheaters, boasters, braggers, unfaithful to their spouse, and the list of hidden sins go on and on. You see, I will not hide my truth which is knowing God loves me exactly as I am and that it is my heart He sees. It is the fruits of His Spirit that is judged by Him and He alone. I know that I am just like everyone else and am far far from perfect. But, it is through God's grace that I am held and loved. I have prayed for you and your church. A very sweet lady and previous co worker of mine goes to your church so I am excited for your growth and the love you show others. I know you are on a journey yourself as we all are, so I pray that only great things come to your church and in your families way!
Blessings.
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