*

Since Karla has died, so many things have gone to the wayside. My once sparkling clean empty breakfast nook now has piled up high papers and things not put away. My sink seen with only a glass or two now has dishes waiting to be cleaned. My once nearly always empty laundry basket is overflowing with both dirty and clean baskets of clothes ready to put away. My once daily made bed has covers askew. My once tidy apartment finds assorted 'things' here and there, not in their proper place. This is evidence of my how my brain is right now. My mind had just begun to accept all changes and become strong, tis now cluttered with reminders, memories and over flow items. Having one less sister, quitting my awesome job, moving away from the state I've fallen in love with, leaving new friends and co-workers who have stood so close by me, and knowing that the woman who I'm still madly in love with will no longer be near....its a lot. A tad overwhelming.

I've had to think through and push through changes recently so why am I a mess now?

My dream of a Hawaiian honeymoon vanished. My meadow where I met my soul to dance and play has shriveled up and died. Soft touches and skin to skin contact and meeting blue eyes....a thing of the past. Security, contentment, protection....gone. And now...I am shutting the door. No hopes for the window to be a jar.

So, I gather myself with a renewed sense of my normal - again - and re-discover my place. I am in control. I am in charge of my life. I always have been, just needed to remind my heart once more. The weeks will go forward and I will slowly pack up my Oregon into boxes. I will give away and sell away extra baggage that would weigh me down.

Live simply - Yet keep reminders of the wonderful years I have had. Onward and upward! (or downward you would say by moving south). But back to the love that has never left. A new life filled with new hopes and dreams and memories to be made.

Thank you God for showing me again my worth and your love.

Now onto cleaning this house