I met my love, my light, my completion to my puzzle in 1998. I was married to a man. A good man. A wonderful father to our amazing two boys. However, I was not connected to this man as a wife to her husband should have been. I was guilty for many many years because I knew he deserved to have the wife of his dreams. He was patient with me as I went through my depression, never understanding what was really wrong with me. He said he would wait, and that crushed me even more because I felt I was trapped to remain in this relationship, because I truly loved my husband and my children had a wonderful happy life in spite of my own thoughts I was struggling. I was not honest with him about my true inner yearnings. I didn't share with him that as a 9 year old girl I feel in love with my girlfriend. I never told him of the many times I cried because I felt I was in the wrong place as we grew 'up' in our marriage. I was 16 when I met this man, who rescued me from a sad and lonely household. My life until age 15 was church. Hail, fire and brimstone! Teachings of the Bible, and what was "right" and "wrong" according to the leaders of the churches who quoted and lived according to ancient writings - which I learned later had changed hundreds of times according to the cultures and those who translated and transformed those original words into new meanings. I married my rescuer because I was treated kind and I desperately wanted a family. This was the only way I felt I had to choose. Now, jump to 1998 when I met Heather. I resisted. Sure, I had a past during my marriage that I'm not proud of, but this was different. I could not resist her love. I asked for a divorce in 1999 and began my journey to step out in my truth. My road was very challenging, I lost all my 'church' friends, yet I got past that sad part of my life and it finally arrived. In 2006 I moved to Oregon and was able to be complete and open and honest. WoW. How refreshing and freeing! Except...we wanted more. Don't we always want more, especially when we feel we deserve this 'more'. What I want is a wedding followed with a marriage. I want to complete my circle of me. I want everyone to know my place in this family, in my life. I have helped to raise my partners 3 children. If I were not the same gender as my partner, I would be called a hero and encouraged to do the right thing and marry this woman. However, I cannot. At best I'm thought of by others as her room mate, her best friend, her partner, to some I appear to be her sister, even her mother at times! (I am 8 years older than Heather). I didn't really have a wedding back in 1979. Four friends were there, wearing jeans, hanging with us at a little wedding chapel in downtown Los Angeles before we took off to the train station and headed to San Francisco. My oldest sister was my only supporter and made sure I had a little flower bouquet and my husband a little flower to wear in his lapel. My dress was off the rack, on sale, in the basement of JC Penneys. We had very little money and sadly, no support from my parents. My two sisters have had 3 weddings each. My mother and father have had 2 each. All our non same gender friends have had beautiful weddings; celebrations expressed before their family and friends showing their love, their commitment, and their joy in life with each other. My oldest son a year ago had a magical and truly a most special wedding of all. Oh, how I cried in joy for this milestone he was able to take with the love of his life. But inside I was also crying because I felt I would never see a day for myself where others could witness such an outward expression and a new life together with my love in the same way. We are seen as less then. We are not treated equal. Oh sure, we could file lots of documents with the court system and pay lots of money to get a few 'rights' granted to us, the same rights that not same genders couples get for free and are automatically granted when they say I do. This is just wrong. This should create a nation wide outrage as it did within the civil rights movement. As it was when women could not vote. As it was when females could not teach over men in public places. If the reason is that same sex marriages are thought to be less than because of one religious faith based notion, and when we as a country can not even have faith based decorations publicly viewed in government offices, they why - for GODS SAKE - are we basing this decision on an archaic law? Change. Move. Allow true and honest love to shine and flourish! Lets be fair government and those who have not allowed yourself to really think about this on a human level, we need our children to view acceptance of diversity. Different faiths. Different cultures. Different foods. Different cars. Choices! Just because it is not for you, why can it not be for others? Please America. Allow me and my love to stand up in front of family and friends and hold our heads up high proclaiming what every other citizen is allowed to do, Please let me get married and have the same rights that the federal government gives to just 'anyone' who happens to not be the same gender. I cry out for the sake of our children and our childrens children and those that follow. We must make this right. We as a country who prides herself on being fair, and free, and allowing for all to enter the land of prosperity, we must complete the circle.
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