Always

The arguing the friction the insecurities you have, how do you live with yourself knowing your words are not nice and cause hurt? Why do I keep trying? When will I realize that our differences could be just too much? You hold onto grudges as if it were a gold nugget. Tightly in your hand you release when your tired or had too much to drink or if, God forbid, I mentioned someone  in your family. I think after tonight my “dingdingding’ went off, I’m a winner, because I finally get it. No matter what I buy especially for you or a vacation I plan or a compliment or any words if endearment-there will constantly be something that makes you turn and I’ll “get it”. I don’t want or need this stress anymore. There must be a way to do the right thing. How? When? I need to get stronger. After my second hip replacement this September perhaps. Why can I make so many plans about other things but this thing is so hard?!