My sister - I bid you peace

Karla Jean Amundson Levin Turkish 

July 5, 1959 - June 21, 2012

You were a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend and wife

we cherished sharing in your happiness and strife

Laughter and tears were part of your day

but always a smile would find its way

Never a doubt the love you had for us all

Just wished you'd not felt so incredibly small

Your life was bold and beautiful too

your laughter infectious to all that you knew

We'll carry on knowing the peace you feel

while you now hold the hands of the ones who have healed

Walk strong dear Karla in God's bright garden

I will never forget you - my beautiful angel guardian

WenDee Riley 

June 25, 2012

sharing our room until I was 12

mermaids dancing under the pool water from march to october, only leaving the water for 5 minutes at a time or else our tails would fall off

marco polo - jumping off the diving board - pool volleyball and lap races

playing secretary/boss, you were always the secretary

bike riding to new adventures and taking on tough hills

singing songs as we sat in front of the 'stereo', you knowing all the words

playing my guitar with you singing- puff then magic dragon, moon shadow, and if I had a hammer

chalk on the sidewalk - roller skating on the back patio - foursquare - tether ball

barbies, you always had the barbie and skipper doll, I had Mary Poppins because that was your rule....IF you would even allow me to play with you

paper dolls with kleenex boxes for beds

playing 'lets make a deal' with TV trays and prizes

halloween costumes, matching of course

camping and traveling down the river on inner tubes

hide and go seek outside in the summer until it was dark

babysitting the neighborhood children, we always did it together until you had a boyfriend :)

Just a few of the memories.....while we were growing up

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ij9NtI3xh8Y

I'm sorry I posted my previous post. I promised I wouldn't take things down after I put them up, so I'm not going to.

I look like an idiot to someone....I guess I always have....so, forgive me for being honest and scared and broken and afraid and discouraged and feeling abandoned.

I'll work on that.

Done

Went to the Coast this weekend. To be honest, when I made the reservation at the Inn my hopes were that Heather would join me. I know what you all are thinking, but seriously...do you have ANY idea how much I miss my girl?
So, she couldn't get out of her important plans. And I went alone.
Here is the rap up:
The Coast was beautiful.
The people I met on the beach were very kind.
I cried my eyes out all weekend at the memory of what I've lost.
Spent WAY too much money gambling and drinking up a storm.
Couldn't bring myself to doing too much because I didn't want to go alone (comedy show, movie, antique shopping, going on a hike).
So, I walked a lot on 101. I walked a lot on the beach. I soaked up sun while listening to the shore and the waves crash. Packed everything up and was on my way home after taking a few more pictures.

I'm not going to do anything here in Oregon alone again. Its just too sad for me. You can't blame me, really, can you? I've been trying for 6 months to venture out and do what I could. I end up having anxiety attacks, crying, and going back home to bed.
Oregon was to be my home. The place to share with the girl I fell head over heels in love with. She caught my heart early on and 13 years of constant chatter and play and looking into her eyes with the plans we had for our future here and everywhere, well..its over and she has gone on to find her happiness with other people.
I lost.
She's enjoying her friends and her life and with what I assume no thought of me, of us. Not even a friendship.

I hope my sweet heart who I still love beyond explanation has all her dreams fulfilled where the good Lord takes her. Obviously I wasn't the one I thought I was. She slipped away and isn't looking back.
Gawd...I miss her.
With every street, every sky, every sun up, every sunset, every street sign, every store, every mountain view, every road I travel....I'm reminded of what I lost. Big loser I am.
Sure, I've grown to appreciate me, what I CAN do. What I've managed to salvage and find in myself. With time....that thing they keep saying....I'm sure I'll be OK. I am leaving Oregon only because not being here with my girl is too much to take. Going back to So Cal...where at least I will have my family.
But, with everything that's happened, all the hurt, the desperate measures I took at the beginning of the break up, the casting me aside.....I'd forget it all if she would take me back. No question. Its nobody's business but ours so no explanations needed. Oh, if only that miracle would come to life! I'd do everything I'd give up anything just to hear those words in my ears...."I want us back". Sigh. My dreams, I'm afraid, will be my nightmare for the rest of my life. 

This is all I have left ...............................